Today, I had a bad day.
I couldn't put my finger on it, but I was blue.
I wanted to crawl back into bed and get out tomorrow.
I'm sure there are a plethora of reasons why I could have been sad.
I'm busy. I do it to myself.
I'm overwhelmed with my busy-ness.
I have a hard time shaking the feeling that I'm disappointing people.
I have a hard time shaking the feeling that I'm disappointing myself.
So all day I felt,well, blah.
I knew I had to get a workout in today. I debated running, going to spin, or getting back into bed and exercising my right to change my mind.
But I ran.
I never thought I'd become a runner. I started running because I was stubborn. I decided to do a 5K and wasn't going to stop until I did.
I kept running because it was helping me drop the LBs.
I like making goals. I really like accomplishing goals.
But today I wasn't feeling it. I went anyway.
I like the way my co-workers look at me when I leave with my running clothes on, "There goes that crazy girl on another run..."
I like the way the soccer moms look at me at the park like they're jealous that they don't get to go for a run...
I like it that tomorrow I might hear a friend or an acquaintance say, "I think I saw you running on McBean last night."
But most of all, I like endorphins.
Endorphins ("endogenous morphine") are endogenous opioid peptides that function as neurotransmitters. They are produced by the pituitary gland and the hypothalamus in vertebrates during exercise, excitement, pain, consumption of spicy food, love and orgasm, and they resemble the opiates in their abilities to produce analgesia and a feeling of well-being.
Tonight, on my run, I had a "runner's high". "During a release of endorphins, the person may be exposed to bodily harm from strenuous bodily functions after going past his or her body's physical limit. This means that runners can keep running despite pain, continuously surpassing what they once considered to be their limit"
That pain doesn't have to be physical pain. Today my endorphins helped me with my emotional pain. My blue mood faded a little bit with each thump thump thump of my shoes on the pavement.
With each mile, I felt a little bit better and honestly, if I hadn't seen that coyote next to the paseo, I probably would've run further.
At the end of my run I wasn't happy but I was content.
I was relaxed.
I wasn't overwhelmed.
I felt good.
My body felt good.
My mind felt good.
My soul felt good.
If hindsight is 20/20, then I can see why the old Heather spent a lot of time drowning in melancholy.
She was pre-endorphins.
I'm grateful to the pavement.
I'm grateful to my body.
I'm grateful to be healthy and happy.
I'm so grateful.
We all have days like this. Days that nothing seems to go our way. Days that we simply feel, BLECH.
But it's important to find something that puts things into perspective. Something that makes you feel like your authentic self. Something to bring out those endorphins.
We have a choice, to drown in the sadness or find those endorphins.
I don't think it "is what it is", I think it is what you make it.
Tonight I made that four miles my beeyotch.