Friday, February 15, 2013

Finding My Joy

According to BMI scales I’m technically obese. 
I run at a very slow pace often finishing half marathons just under 3 hours.
I don’t have the body of a runner.  I’m big. 5’9”, over 200 lbs, thick.
But, I’m going to run a marathon.
A lot of people might be surprised when they see me and hear me say that.
But, I’m going to do it.
I’ve been struggling with my training.
Fighting with my body. 
How heavy and slow I feel.
I’ve slowly increased my mileage and it hasn’t been fun.
It’s been more like a job.
It’s been difficult. 
I guess it’s true what the sign at my last half marathon said, “If it were easy, everyone would do it”
But, I’ve been beating myself up.
I want so much from my running.
I want a better body.
I want better stamina.
I want to be faster.
I want to have joy.
And last weekend, lo and behold, in the midst of 20 long miles, I found it part of it…
Joy is the emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires. (
I know that part of this is the endorphins, but it was how I remember feeling after that first 5K, the first 10K, the first (okay maybe second) half marathon.
Like I did something special.
Like I accomplished something.
Like I was a success.
And I was happy.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m generally a happy person.
But if I could bottle how I felt in the days after my 20 mile training run, I would give it away.
To everyone.
If the way I felt on Sunday afternoon is indicative of anything, you can best bet I will be running longer distances.
Because I’m no longer chasing a thinner, faster me… I’m chasing that JOY.
It’s addictive.  The thin and fast will be collateral, but the JOY is what I want.
I’m stRUNg out on it.
"Joy is what happens to us when we allow ourselves to recognize how good things really are." -Marianne Williamson
I hope you can take the time to recognize the joy in your life today. For me, it will be lacing up my shoes after work.  Because going for a run makes me feel like this:

1 comment:

  1. Having done several marathons now, I can say, it is far more mental than anything else, especially being larger and slower. You just keeping thinking about the next mile and only the next mile, then all the sudden you see a finish line and you're done!

    Easier said than done of course.

    Any idea when your first marathon will be? My best suggestion is to find one that is relatively cool. There is nothing worse than being overheated for 5+ hours.